Letters to Inanimate Objects

If inanimate objects would listen to me, here are the things you might hear me saying to them:

Dear lightbulbs, why do you keep burning out? I replace you and then your friend decides to go out. I don't want to spend a lot of money on a lightbulb that will last longer so could you please shine a little brighter and a little longer??
thanks, Michelle

Me and Cisco have frequent visits from someone we call Katrina. Yes, as in Hurricane Katrina. I would like to ask her to please stop coming through our apartment because i am trying to keep it clean and it is rather rude to come through and scatter things everywhere. It would be greatly appreciated.

I have pleaded with the snow to please go away. I do not like it. In fact, I hate it. The sun has been toying with my heart, coming and going with no reliability. If the sun and snow keep playing these mean tricks on me, i am threatening to not come back from Chile. Or to move away from Utah as soon as possible. Since I don't mind living in Utah, we would all be happier if we just worked together and got along. So please sun, come and stay a while. and as for you snow, please leave and stay away for a LONG while. Come and go in the mountains as you please, but no more down here. My sandals are getting jealous of my boots. You are just causing problems for everyone.

Dear Easter Candy, you tricked me. You looked so delicious on the shelves and I was convinced I needed you in order to have a good Easter. What did you do? You made me feel sick after I consumed way too much of you. You made my cheeks hurt and my tongue raw. You made me so thirsty that i feel like i can never quench my thirst. How rude of you. I would also appreciate it if you would tell your friend the candy bar Twix that mini Twix is NOT the same as a regular size Twix. Not even close, and not even as good. Next year I won't be fooled by you and your enticing Easter candy looks. So as a mental note to myself: One kind of Easter candy is good enough, or maybe just some Easter ice cream. mmm.
Yours truly (no longer i hope), Michelle

My last letter is to my dear sweet bed. We have a love-hate relationship. I love you. You are a good bed and are so comfortable, but you are also very tricky. In the mornings you keep me sucked into the deep pit of blankets and fluffiness and you make it quite impossible for me to get out of bed willingly. I hit snooze for an hour which is causing me problems. You are so comfortable, but why is it that when i go to bed at night you are not comfortable at all? I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position. I have decided that you purposely make yourself less comfortable so that your grip on me in the morning is much stronger and unbreakable. I think we can improve our relationship to a pure-love-and-no-hate relationship if you just shared some of your comforting embrace when i was trying to fall asleep. That is my suggestion. Please get back to me with your response as soon as possible. Thanks.

Lets just say that this has come out of being stressed from school work and it nice to blame objects for my frustration so i can vent a little. :) I feel better now.
By the way. We are going to Chile THIS MONTH. Unbelievable? yes. I can't believe it came this fast. I am so ready to take off but not ready for the semester to be over and all my assignments to be due. So ready for summer.

1 comment:

Jessica Zincke said...

haha, this gave me a good laugh. Ditto with the snow/sun dilemma...getting annoying!