A Series of Unfortunate Events

This story may be a little long and may not make a ton of sense (its hard to put into words) but it really was quite the day and i wish i had pictures of it. I wish i would have taken a picture of me two weeks ago when i was all wired up. I looked stunning and very fashionable. Two weeks ago I had to wear a Holter Monitor (heart monitor) for 24 hours and boy that was not the greatest. It wasn't for anything serious, my heart just feels like its doing some funny flips and jumps sometimes so the doctors wanted to see what it did as i went about my daily activities. I went to the health center in the morning to get it put on and i don't know what i was picturing but it definitely wasn't what they put on me. There were 5 huge electrodes that they stuck on me with wires coming out of all of them. All the wires fed into a not so tiny machine that i got to wear in a fanny pack around my waste :). Like i said, i was super fashionable. I had to tuck all the wires in various places and i probably looked like i had a bomb strapped to me at one point. I was wearing a shirt that had a scoop neck and the nurse stuck one of the large electrodes right on my sternum for the whole world to see. I laughed and realized i would have to go home to change into a shirt that covered my new accessory.
There were a few rules associated with wearing this monitor. I couldn't talk on my cell phone for 24 hours and i couldn't stand within 5 feet of a TV. Not talking on your cell phone is kind of a big deal when you don't own a land line and your cell phone is your only method of communication. That night i really needed to make a phone call and i had to drive clear up to my moms house to use her home phone! slightly inconvenient.
I just want you to keep that picture in mind of me, (a fanny pack with a heart monitor, wires sticking out various places, and not being able to talk on my phone) while i tell you my adventure of the day. You know when you see something unfortunate happen to someone and they look like a complete idiot and you can only pity them? That was me.
So two weeks ago it was Womens Conference on BYU Campus which means there were women EVERYWHERE. There was no parking so i had been riding my dads scooter to work. I hopped on the scooter, tucked all my wires in and headed to work at the Hinckley Building. I almost made it to work too! I was sitting at the light by the Marriott center waiting for the crowds of women to cross when all of a sudden i realize my scooter wasn't on anymore. The light was about to change and so i think "thats weird the scooter just died." I try to turn it on again and again but it isn't responding! that is when my heart sunk as i looked at the little circle in-between the handle bars. What do i see? This staring up at me.
I was dead out of gas. I knew i was running low and i had completely forgotten to fill up somewhere!! The light turns green and i am on a dead scooter. This is the part where all of those women watching me probably pitied me and laughed after i couldn't see them. I had to hop off the scooter and push it through the intersection across the street onto the sidewalk, with all of the cars turning following me thinking i am a lunatic. I couln't call anyone for help and even though i am not sure what anyone would have done, when you are in those situations you just need to call someone and tell them what just happened. I sat there for a few minutes deciding what to do (as hundreds of women walked around me and my scooter). The gas station was a block away and i knew i would have to push it down there. This is the part where i looked really ridiculous. There was a slight hill and i was going to use it to my advantage. I sat on the scooter, gave it a little push and coasted down the hill as far as i could go. Here are all these cars driving by watching a girl ride her scooter down the sidewalk. I made it about half of the block and that is when i had to get off and push the rest of the way. My favorite part was waiting at the crosswalk. There were two people waiting to cross along with me and my scooter. As soon as the light flashed for pedestrians to cross i pushed the scooter all the way across the street to the gas station and up to a pump. It then took me the next 10 minutes to figure out where the gas tank on the scooter even was! In the moment during this entire experience i was completely horrified and embarrassed but i cant help but laugh at how ridiculous i must have looked. Eventually i got gas in the scooter (i also had no clue how much to put in) and i rode the scooter back up to work. My heart was beating so fast from this little adventure and i was interested to see what showed up when the doctors read my results. I had to push a button every time my heart felt weird and write down what i was doing. this is what my journal looked like

10:50 Heart racing/pounding Scooter died
10:55 Heart racing/pounding Pushed scooter to gas station

I am sure the doctors were wondering what that was all about. If only they would have known i am sure it would have given them a good laugh.
Anyways, wearing the heart monitor wasn't that bad except for the itching! my skin itched under the electrodes so bad i wanted to cry a few times. when i went to get it taken off i couldn't stand still i was so excited to get it off and itch those spots for at least 5 minutes. You know the lines that accumulates around band aids from the sticky stuff? It took me a week to get that off because those electrodes were so sticky.
Well a week later i went to get my results from wearing it all 24 hours and i find out that their heart monitor hasn't been working lately and the machine ERASED all my results. That means those 24 hours of wearing it were all for nothing and that sometime in the future i get to do it all over again. If i do wear it again i will definitely avoid scooters.


Emily said...

Oh, poor Michelle. I'm surprised no one offered to help. On BYU campus of all places. I hate when things turn out to be pointless. And a day with out a phone? Especially without a landline? That would be torture.

Lindsey said...

Why in the world did I never hear about this! Poor michelley. That is quite the story.

The McKinleys said...

michelle! that was the best story i've heard in a long time :) i can totally picture all of it too...which is the best part! i'm glad everything worked out--except for the whole erasing part. stupid health center. i love you girl. play date soon???